Ok, so it's been quite a while since I've written here. Why I don't know, lazy, maybe busy elsewhere on other sites, yes. A lot has happened since then. I lost weight, got healthier, gained some weight back and LOST it again but surpassed where I lost it Whoo! Hoo! I'm still working though, got more to do. So um...what else, I have a boyfriend now ( I love you Ugo!!) which is something amazing and will never stop being unbelievable to me. He's so absolutely wonderful, my constant, my Godspire...well I could go on and on. Fact is I'm madly in love with him!! XD I am insane and he is my insanity. You get the point :P Anyway...um...I sound happy...why should I be happy? o_0 My Dad passed away 2 weeks ago u_u yeah....that's been REALLY rough. I think I've had about 2 days where I haven't cried. One being yesterday where I actually got to wear some makeup! o.o Not like I wear makeup all the time but once in a while I want to and I couldn't with all the crying. It felt good to be a little more dressed up. I think I'll dress up tomorrow. It's V-day :P blech...but Melissa and I are going out to lunch with my Mom in honer of my Daddy so...that'll be nice, I'll dress up for him n_n...hmm what should I wear?
What to wear really depends on the weather because if I wear a skirt I don't want to freeze my legs off! We had some more snow on Tuesday, that was kind of strange and unexpected to me. I honestly am looking forward to warmer weather. I love snow but I think I'm ready to thaw out lol. I'm not ready for summer...NO not yet! But yes I want some warmth around me when I go out on a walk. Which is really what I need to do in an hour. Going back to what I was saying about getting in shape/losing weight I know I can do it, with God's help of course. I ain't gonna get ANYTHING accomplished without him. Absque Deo Nihil. I know I CAN because I HAVE and I am now at the lowest weight I've ever accomplished...which isn't that low by some people's standards but it is for ME!!! Ok so now what do I gotta do to keep pressing on, to get pumped up and to really get in the zone with this?! I asked God and He may be revealing something to me. He always does, just sometimes takes a while or I don't see it or hear it because I'm so unaware at times lol...sorry Lord!
I know my Dad would want me to keep trying, to keep working toward my goals and to keep feeling better about myself. He wouldn't want me to be all sad and miserable. So for God, for myself, for him, for my future I WILL do this. In fact it just came to mind that I should write a contract with myself...hmm...yeah I'll do that! Write myself an contract and sign it and hold myself accountable to it. I NEED to do this! *crawls back in bed* too hard! lol....just kidding....kinda <_<....well seriously I really do NEED this. I'm working on trying to feel better about myself everyday and I can't keep that up if I'm doing nothing right?! So I gotta do it! Like it says on my exercise journal "Just do it. And do it, and do it, and do it" In fact....I think I'll title this blog with that. I get discouraged a lot but I have too keep looking back and remember and seeing all that I HAVE accomplished. Because if I don't hold on to that and believe in myself and truly trust God and give it my best, then I may as well give up. And I DO NOT want to do that! I WILL NOT go back to the misery, the prison body that I shut myself up in for so long. I will fight to run far away from that. *sigh* wow....lol I sound pumped up! I hope I hope I hope!!! I stay that way!!! Please Lord Please help me!! n_n I can't be idle, I won't! I CAN AND WILL DO THIS!!!!