Another Intense Dream...

     I had this very intense dream last night. This was one of those dreams where I SWEAR  I was there, as if it were another life.  We were headed to this place...not sure where exactly but when we got there it was a big place, like the Tacoma Dome or something to that effect. There was some sort of event there that we were going to attend. As soon as we entered, something felt very wrong. It was quiet and there was no one there. I walked on and then there was red liquid on the concrete floor, more, then more. I looked down a hallway to discover bodies, which appeared to either be dead or passed out, everyone one of them had a pool of blood near them as well as blood covering their facea. Of course I became instantly O_O and scared. I walked on to finally find more people, alive but not looking well. Some looked weak, but most very sick. Somehow I had wandered away from the small group I was with but met them here. We all came to the consensus that everyone was sick, from something, what we didn't know, just that it was obviously very bad. People around us coughed violently, I could feel their pain and anguish. I remember thinking that I'd be ok, that I felt there was no way that I could catch this. I didn't know if this was assurance or denial.  Soon after though, I did start to feel bad. Very weak and had my own bouts of violent coughing. I tried to hide it from my group. I ended up coughing up blood, which really freaked me out. It was scary and I couldn't stop. My nose was bleeding and my head felt like it was gonna explode. One of my group discovered me against a wall and told the rest of our group. I tried to deny it and said that I would be ok. Then, unable to support myself anymore, I fell to the ground. I very quickly felt like I could not breath. It was as if something was literally filling up my lungs and drowning me. It was so intense and strong that I could feel in very strongly very real, (as I said, I swear I was there) I was choking, gasping for air. I remember choking out the words, "I feel like I'm going to explode" and at that point I saw this smoke all around  me and everywhere, surrounding the whole building. For a moment I could breath enough to smell that it was some sort of very strong gas. The pain was too much to bare. It hurt so bad and there was SO much pressure. I remember thinking, knowing that we had some sort of disease that was being "taken care of" wiped out, that someone was killing us all. I could feel my brain begin to shut down and my heartbeat barely there as the pressure took over my whole body. It felt so heavy and yet kind of light as I let myself go. I prayed and told Jesus I was ready and I knew it was time for me to go be with Him. The fear slipped away slowly, as if falling asleep, and this spark of hope and excitement juxtaposed within my dying, painful body. All was dark and I was gone.
     I don't exactly remember waking up. I just remember opening my eyes and feeling the air fill my lungs. I was alive....but how??!! I was in some sort of facility and I was wearing white. It was very bright in the room. I was laying on a table and my surroundings looked lab like, medical. I felt very disoriented, scared, relieved and disappointed. I got up and went in the hallway. The whole place was bright, white. The place was huge, almost like a large mall. I tried to find my way out or to find someone, although I had this strong feeling that anyone I came across would not be someone I wanted to meet. This feeling become stronger and I started to run to find a way out toward safety. At this point, I can't remember what happened in the dream. I just know that the urgency I felt was as intense as the pain mentioned earlier. Eventually I ended up in some sort of waiting room where they called my name, "Kimberly" and expected me to come back to meet with some Doctor....someone. I was scared and tried to hide somewhere but also was scared and wanted answers, someone to explain what had happened and what was going on. I finally saw these people wearing all white with surgical masks over their faces and caps over their heads. I met the eyes of a man who looked at me with urgent, intense curiosity. He called my name. I got scared and darted down a hallway. Somehow I lost him and the others looking for me. Again I don't remember the details that were next. Only that I became some sort of involuntary fugitive and they that they REALLY wanted to find me. I was eventually caught and it came to my knowledge that whatever virus I had contracted, that I was the only survivor from that building I was in. They wanted to experiment on me to see what made me survive the virus as well as the gassing. I was shocked because I surely felt that I was dying. Somehow I got away again or they let me go, I have no idea but I was out in the world that looked destroyed and desperate. People where everywhere on the street, looking lost and tired, and yet it looked like the world had been this way for quite a while, and that people were used to their surroundings. I was the only one confused as to how and what had happened. The rest of the dream I do not remember other than the fact that I was to still be used for testing to find out why I survived. I was very important to them and I knew I couldn't get away.
     This dream was SO VERY intense...I honestly thought it was real because I felt  the pain and the pressure of my dying body, my shutting down organs. I've never felt something quite that clearly in a dream.

Bad dream....

Ok so I need to get this off my mind. Probably won't be completely off but off enough that maybe I can calm down and rest again. I had an awful dream. This seems to be my go to place when I have intense dreams so here goes.
    I was talking on the phone with Ugo and he was being very quiet and serious. He told me he was going to die the next day and he was totally convinced of it. He wanted to tell me that this was the last day I'd talk to him and not to call him back because it would only make it harder for me. He told me not to ask any questions about it. He did most of the talking, I was just kind of shocked and confused. He wouldn't tell me why he thought this and wouldn't explain anything. He just kept saying that it was gonna happen. I kept stalling and trying to keep him on the phone. He mentioned something about something happening when he went out with friends on Saturday, but I couldn't catch exactly what he was saying. It was never clear in the dream. We finally got off the phone and I just sat there dazed. I wanted to respect his wishes and thought about not calling him but then I started to get angry. I called him back and it kept ringing. He wouldn't pick up. Then finally he did but the connection, or he, was even quieter than before. I said I had a question. He kept saying that I didn't want to ask and it would make it harder. I had to ask. I was scared and angry. So I yelled at him and said, "I'm your wife! I have a right to know!" Behind my yelling he mentioned the Saturday thing again. I could barely hear him. When I said, "What?" he replied, "Didn't you hear me about what happened Saturday when I was hanging out?" I said "No, you didn't tell me, you wouldn't!" He wanted me to know, yet it seemed that he didn't and it was clear he wanted me to get off the phone. I was hurt and angry and yelled again that I just wanted to ask him one question. I said, "What has you so convinced that you're gonna die!?" But no answer, no answer at all. I don't know if we got cut off or he hung up but that was it. And at that point I was coming out of the dream but still trying to hold onto it for an answer from him.
    It was an awful feeling. But Praise God that Ugo didn't get up quite yet for church and I was able to text him and then he called me. I had to hear from him that he was ok. Although I felt like he was a little nonchalant about  it. But that may have been a little residual anger from the dream :( ugh. This sucks. I don't need these deep, completely convincing and realistic dreams! :( Leave me alone and let me sleep in peace.

I had a very intense End Times dream. The kind where you can feel yourself, really there.

   I was with my family, Cindy and mom. We were in this field, like at a park or something. Not sure what was going on, maybe some sort of event. I saw this young guy stand in front of the crowd. He said something inaudible, but he was definitly angry. He had what looked like a gun and started shooting. But it wasn't a regular gun. It was some sort of weapon that totally obliterated people. People would disintegrate before your eyes. My family and I began to run. We ran away as fast as we could. There were so many people there that the killers did not notice the small group that was escaping down a hill and around a fence. We were in the lead of that group. I say killers because I looked behind me before we got too far and saw that there were several more people with the same kind of weapons. People were running and screaming all over. I kept running, but my family was lagging behind, I kept encouraging them to keep going.
     We finally made it to a building, a hospital. The place was crowded with many injured people. What was going on?! And what had all these people experienced? Getting help was impossible there, although we didn't really need it, we weren't injured, just needed a place to hide. Everywhere we turned there was another suffering person. I stopped too look around and a doctor was having trouble breathing and fell to the floor. His body started to deflate and he was becoming flat as he chocked on the air around him. Everyone started coughing and others dropped to the ground as well. I stared in horror but started taking deep breaths and blowing the air out to not get caught by whatever this was. I turned to see that in my distraction, my family had gone ahead. I looked and found several rooms down stairs where patience were still being cared for (those not involved in these events but were previously in the hospital) There was also a room where some people who looked New Age-y were gathered and meditating or something. I turned again and saw that someone who had "deflated" was able to fight off whatever was challenging their breathing and inflate themselves and get back up again.
     I found my mom and sister in the next room. Cindy was lying on the ground, beginning to deflate and chocking and gasping for air. I would not allow this to take her and I told her she could fight it, too take deep breaths and keep fighting, to not give in. She eventually got back to normal and said she'd be ok in about 3 minutes. I looked at my mom and said, "If we have 3 minutes." Cindy got up sooner than I thought and we kept on the move to find a safe place. I kept breathing deeply and encouraged them to do so, it seemed like it was ok as soon as we were outside.
     It was dark out, there were many people outside in the streets, wrecked cars, broken store windows, the place looked like a war zone. Cars were on fire, and I soon realized that was on purpose. People were building fires with anything they could find to keep warm. It was getting cold. People were huddled up and gathered together in the streets looking for places to sleep and rest. I looked at their faces in the dark and in the firelight-they were scared, angry, bitter but mostly very confused as to what was going on at all.
     Eventually we got to my school. (For some reason I was in college) We went inside and all seemed pretty normal and safe, which was odd considering how quickly destruction and chaos had become the norm. It was almost shocking how quiet and comfortable the school was. We headed to my dorm. It seemed very safe there for the time being. We rested. Then Mom and Cindy left for a while, not sure why, maybe to find food or something. I was alone. Instead of crying or freaking out, I looked around my room. All my stuff was there. My things. They brought me comfort as I looked around at them, but I soon realized that they weren't what was important. I had my life, and my family and these "things" could be gone at any time. I can't remember if I prayed but I know I was thinking about God. Then this woman came in my room and said she needed to take a look around. I was like....um ok. She seemed to be inspecting my room, looking for discrepancies. Everything seemed alright to her so far. Then she saw a paper I had on my wall with a Christian saying and a cross. She took a red permanent marker and put a big X over it. She looked around more, and any place I had a cross, something about God or Christ she'd put the same X over it. I got the idea that if I wanted to stay around here, or even stay alive I would not be able to show or admit that I was a Christian. I didn't say a word to her though. I just stood there, kind of amazed that this was happening. Strangely enough, I passed her inspection, for now. But I had a feeling she'd have her eye on me. I ran to my laptop. I new the cell and phone lines were probably down but I thought maybe this place still had working internet. I wanted to see Ugo badly and find out if this was happening in MI too. There was internet but I had a spotty connection and had trouble getting on Yahoo. I logged on long enough to get an offline message that said, "KIMMY!!" but then I got kicked off again. I never got to log on and that was then end of the dream.

This morning I had a dream...VERY intense.

I was on a bus trip, with my mom, I don't know where we were going but we were with a large group of Christians. The driver was telling about a legend. Bandits would attack whole groups of people on the road and kill them with box cutters. I wasn't sure if i believed it and tried to ignore it, as not to be fearful and concentrated on the scenery. I think a few hours passed because it had been a while since the story and we came to a new area. Lots of acres of land, and a weigh station/warehouse type of building was up ahead. The driver said we had to stop here. When we did, we were not greeted kindly.
We had to exit the bus and were mad to get on the back of a large truck. There were several people, of different nationalities, African, Japanese, Mexican, ...not that that matters but, for some reason I distinctively remember a couple of people. The African man had a blade in his hand, a box cutter. It was a huge, very sharp looking blade, and as I looked out at their crowd I could see other people had blades too. Some jagged and awkward looking but all very sharp and ready to attack. Of course by now I knew what was up, the stories were true and they were going to kill us. I tried to stall our death and asked what they wanted, the man in front just stared angrily at me. I kept asking, "What is it you want, what do you want or need from us?" He pointed to my leg with his blade. "I want to cut you and make you suffer and bleed!" He meant it. He motioned that he'd cut me down the leg. I could see the pleasure and hate in his eyes. For a moment, I imagined it, how it would look, feel, the pain, the shock, the blood. I wouldn't have that, for any of us. Some how I was able to talk and stall enough to ask to see who was in charge of them.
A woman came out, Caucasian, older, around her 50's but looked older than she should, greying hair, I could see hate and bitterness in her jaw set but confidence in her eyes. She seemed out of place. Didn't seem like a "ruler" or a person in charge of it all. I asked her why she was doing this. She didn't want to answer, of course. Somehow I convinced her to give us enough time to explain her story. She gathered us all in an auditorium, which was odd because it didn't seem this small warehouse type of building could house such a room. I don't quite remember all of her story, probably because she only told bits and pieces of it. Her son was brutally murdered by his wife, who was pregnant at the time, she was a Christian. She killed her daughter-in-law in revenge and vowed to make all Christians pay. She was convinced that we were all liars and horrible people.
I kept asking her questions and then others joined in. I don't remember these questions specifically but they began to be come convicting. So much to the point that this woman started to look scared, but instead of fighting back in anger something broke inside of her. She had a large blade in her hand. She screamed and stabbed herself. She cried out saying that she was awful for all the things she had done and deserved death more than we did and basically allowed us to go. Her followers were in shock and a bit hesitant to let us leave. Then something amazing happened. People from our group started going up to her. She was clearly keeled over in pain and in fear. People came up to her and touched her face, wiped her tears, wiped the blood away and told her that they forgave her. She still was shocked, and so was I for a few minutes before joining them. I touched her face and looked in her eyes, there was so much pain there. I looked past her, behind her was a field and I could tell this was where they buried the bodies, thousands of them. She'd been responsible for killing thousands of people, blaming Christians for what happened and we were forgiving her. I smiled at her. She was healed, somehow, our mercy healed her. Perhaps the grace that God was having us bestow upon her was enough to save her.
It was overwhelming and amazing all at once. Soon her followers and all of us were gathered together, Praising God and joining together in music. A group of Japanese guys grabbed instruments and started to sing. It was like a huge Praise Party. I was like...0_0...almost too overwhelmed. I walked along a long hallway in my own sense of shock at the events that just happened. I felt God there, I truly felt Him and it was so overwhelming. I realized my mom was not with me and I went to look for her but couldn't find her.

Side note: As much as I like my time alone and want to get away, I feel like I have abandonment issues in my dreams o.0

So I could not find my mom, which bothered me some. So I went down the hall and got on my knees. I started praying and then started laughing and crying because I realized that God answered my prayer, BIG TIME. I was praying to feel Him in a miraculous way, to see a miracle happen, and He delivered. That was is...the end of the dream. My dreams kind of fade out. They don't really just end, unless it's suddenly because I'm jolted awake. Which doesn't happen often. Not sure why I posted it here but I just felt like I needed to, to save it here, maybe share it with someone. It's just, I dream so intensely, so vividly that I swear I'm there and I never have a "Oh this is a dream" moment where I can wake myself up. Doesn't happen for me. I've said, "This has to me a dream" but then it keeps going on, and I'm like...wow, this isn't a dream (even though it is) and the situation continues. Speaking of dreams, I want to watch "Inception" again, that movie was awesome.

Wow it's been about a year ago since I wrote here. Sad. Well a lot has happened since then. I have a new fish, Walter (named after Walter Bishop of Fringe) hehe...and He's doing well. I gave up with fish for a while because I was so sad about losing the others. Let's see...I went to see Ugo in September. That was a big thing for me. First time I traveled alone, but I wasn't afraid, I was hopeful and very happy when I got there. We had a great time n_n Not sure what else to day today, or why I'm even updating this blog. I've just been playing around with it and trying to clean it up and such. I need to do something interesting with it but not sure what. I'll be thinking about some things. Oh yeah, and I'm going to school (online) Bryan College to become a Personal Trainer. ME?! (I better get with it) lol I'm doing alright so far. God's helping me A LOT I'm so grateful. Guess that's all for now.

Yesterday was not such a good day. I lost another friend. My fish Inuyasha left.

I remember writing about Wally when he died. Ugh...I hate that word. That's why I say "left." I want to blog something interesting but...I don't have much to say right now so I'm gonna go take a shower. Laters

Right there....is where I want to be now

At times I feel like I'd give anything to be there. A world away...away from anything and anyone who can bring me down. To just take a deep breath, take in the sea air, the wind blowing my hair and just let go...

Mmmm...if only. I'm such a dreamer and a hopefull romantic. One day I'll be there, even if I have to stare at a picture on the wall of my padded cell.

The Art of Blogging?

The reason I put a ? on that...is because it's more of a wondering thing for me. Is there an "art" to blogging? Or is it just journaling online about your life or a certain subject? It just amazes me how many people do it and for different reasons. I myself do it mostly for an outlet and what I say...is never really of any interest to anyone but myself. It's just, I wonder about how other people will go on and on about their lives and have such a following. Not that I care to have a following...I'm just wondering what makes other people's lives so interesting. Is it drama? Melodrama? Just makes me curious.

This is backwards...below was this morning:
Not sure why I'm blogging so much, I guess I just feel like it. I'm still feeling bad, sick, coldish blahish. Have to go work, and all I want to do is crawl back under the covers and sleep for a few hours. Sounds like heaven.

Egg Rolls and such...

My boyfriend taught me how to make egg rolls. It was fun, I love cooking with him and watching him cook. He's a great teacher. So now I'm learning how versatile egg roll wrappers are =D You can do so much with them. Yesterday I made breakfast with them.

Egg filled Egg Rolls (lol)

They were good, and yes that's ketchup. Try as I might, I cannot eat eggs without ketchup. I'm still trying so hard...to make this blog a happy one...but it's difficult in the midst of hurting. Not me necessarily but my boyfriend. When he hurts...I hurt...maybe not to the point he does but I feel something, and it makes me feel unwell, an indescribable hurt. He doesn't want me to agree with him..because in a sense I can't fully understand where he's coming from in certain situations...but I see the pain and the anger it causes...whether anyone believes me or not I feel it in my own way and it feels awful. Anyway...enough about that for now.
I'm battling a cold. Haven't had one of those in a long time. Been staying pretty healthy with my working out, vitamins and such but with current stations and getting really chilled last weekend, my resistance was finally futile and I was assimilated. (lol dorky ST:TNG reference). I hope I get over it soon. I feel negativity seeping into me...I don't like that, guess I'm just tired and confused and unsure what to say right now, so I'll sign off for tonight.

Just something I made for fun

Ok, so it's been a little over a year since I blogged here. I'm not sure why I came back, other than the fact that I always return to the scene of the crime. o.0 huh? Don't know why I said that or what that means...just sounded right. So I've been trying to find a website that has a forum or group that I can join where I can talk about some "stuff" but I have had no luck finding any. Just tried skyrock.com...that was lame. I couldn't find any groups that were in English. I posted 1 blog and talked about my boyfriend and engagement and such and tonight I get a message from this guy who says he sees something in me he doesn't see in other girls and is looking for a serious relationship. o_0 and I'm like...Ooookay...what part of, I have a boyfriend and I'm taken do you not understand? I even had a picture of Ugo and I in my blog. Weird...didn't really like it there, so I deleted my account. So here I am.
In that blog there...I decided to be "happier" (and yes I'm very quotey lately). It's just my live journal, is great but it's become a gripe journal and an outlet for my various frustrations. So...I'm thinking, I should really have a more positive blog where I talk about the good things in life and the successes I've had or am having. I should strive to do that, but will I? I don't know. Maybe for a while. lol We shall see! Well I'll end this entry on a positive note with something that makes me very =D Happy.

Ok, so it's been quite a while since I've written here. Why I don't know, lazy, maybe busy elsewhere on other sites, yes. A lot has happened since then. I lost weight, got healthier, gained some weight back and LOST it again but surpassed where I lost it Whoo! Hoo! I'm still working though, got more to do. So um...what else, I have a boyfriend now ( I love you Ugo!!) which is something amazing and will never stop being unbelievable to me. He's so absolutely wonderful, my constant, my Godspire...well I could go on and on. Fact is I'm madly in love with him!! XD I am insane and he is my insanity. You get the point :P Anyway...um...I sound happy...why should I be happy? o_0 My Dad passed away 2 weeks ago u_u yeah....that's been REALLY rough. I think I've had about 2 days where I haven't cried. One being yesterday where I actually got to wear some makeup! o.o Not like I wear makeup all the time but once in a while I want to and I couldn't with all the crying. It felt good to be a little more dressed up. I think I'll dress up tomorrow. It's V-day :P blech...but Melissa and I are going out to lunch with my Mom in honer of my Daddy so...that'll be nice, I'll dress up for him n_n...hmm what should I wear?
What to wear really depends on the weather because if I wear a skirt I don't want to freeze my legs off! We had some more snow on Tuesday, that was kind of strange and unexpected to me. I honestly am looking forward to warmer weather. I love snow but I think I'm ready to thaw out lol. I'm not ready for summer...NO not yet! But yes I want some warmth around me when I go out on a walk. Which is really what I need to do in an hour. Going back to what I was saying about getting in shape/losing weight I know I can do it, with God's help of course. I ain't gonna get ANYTHING accomplished without him. Absque Deo Nihil. I know I CAN because I HAVE and I am now at the lowest weight I've ever accomplished...which isn't that low by some people's standards but it is for ME!!! Ok so now what do I gotta do to keep pressing on, to get pumped up and to really get in the zone with this?! I asked God and He may be revealing something to me. He always does, just sometimes takes a while or I don't see it or hear it because I'm so unaware at times lol...sorry Lord!
I know my Dad would want me to keep trying, to keep working toward my goals and to keep feeling better about myself. He wouldn't want me to be all sad and miserable. So for God, for myself, for him, for my future I WILL do this. In fact it just came to mind that I should write a contract with myself...hmm...yeah I'll do that! Write myself an contract and sign it and hold myself accountable to it. I NEED to do this! *crawls back in bed* too hard! lol....just kidding....kinda <_<....well seriously I really do NEED this. I'm working on trying to feel better about myself everyday and I can't keep that up if I'm doing nothing right?! So I gotta do it! Like it says on my exercise journal "Just do it. And do it, and do it, and do it" In fact....I think I'll title this blog with that. I get discouraged a lot but I have too keep looking back and remember and seeing all that I HAVE accomplished. Because if I don't hold on to that and believe in myself and truly trust God and give it my best, then I may as well give up. And I DO NOT want to do that! I WILL NOT go back to the misery, the prison body that I shut myself up in for so long. I will fight to run far away from that. *sigh* wow....lol I sound pumped up! I hope I hope I hope!!! I stay that way!!! Please Lord Please help me!! n_n I can't be idle, I won't! I CAN AND WILL DO THIS!!!!

Here is Ice Cream Guy's brother
Another original Art by Jfreak

I am tired and sleepy....just wanted to see how this cute little guy looks. Makes you want to crawl in bed!

My Ice Cream Guy: original Art by Jfreak

I am sad to say that my poor Frog Wally went to join Oscar and Felix. I guess I just don't have much luck with pets. Well at least I still have my dog and cat.

This is Wally, he is an African Dwarf Frog. He is Gogu's new buddy.
Here he is hiding behind the plant, he's quite the "little" guy.

After the sad passing of my beloved Fish...Oscar and Felix, I got in the mood to get a new fish. This is my new Betta fish buddy, Gogu. These aren't the best pics of him but I'll keep trying.

Here is a better picture of Gogu looking at himself in the mirror

"You look vandaful dahling!"

Here are just some random photographs I've taken

Photo's by KJE

These pics are from Eastern Washington where its not so green as you can see.

This is Cannon Beach in Oregon. It's my favorite place.






Haystack Rock




I'm fascinated by these big Rocks